Sunday, May 21, 2006

As promised I am reporting on the progress of Tommy's gay conversion. It's all going according to my plan. In the 3rd week we have been working on his very gay accent. It's hard to describe, please he does not want me to record him (I guess he just hates how he talks, too). It's sound British to me. Very nasal, very wannabe feminine. It's terribly uncool and with this kind of language he disqualifies himself to be part of a healthy society. Back to the conversion: Step three has been the most difficult yet. I tried to teach him as good as I could:Rule1: Use a lower voice (his voice was whiny and tiny).
Rule2: Do not start every sentence with the word: "Actually".
Rule3: Do not call another guy "Honey" or "You big stud".
Rule4: Do not talk about clothes and sex in public.It's about time somebody taught that boy how to talk: I went to church with him and after the service the pastor said goodbye to his congregation, like always, and when Tommy and I said goodbye, the pastor asked Tommy: "Are you religious my child?" and Tommy said in his thickest most disgusting gay accent: "Oh yes, I LOVE JESUS!". The way he said it was just shameful and sounded more like he would like to have gay sex with our Lord and savior. My God if he has to talk gay, can't he talk at least quietly? At least ten heads turned in our direction. It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life! I apologized and gave him a good smack against the head. Well this will all end soon. We keep practicing. Tommy is a promising boy.

You might think that teach a gay not to walk gay is especially difficult but the truth is that Tommy made it easy for me. The problem that still persists is that he let's his hands dangle when we walks. It looks a little like the walk of Peggy Bundy of the TV series "Married with Children". For now to prevent further embarrassment I taped his wrists to a wooden skewer so his arms and hands show a straight line. And straight is what we want, right?

Proudly American : Role model for all American males : If you walk and talk like John Wayne, you are a real man

When it comes to talking and walking you have to learn from the masters, therefore I forbade him to watch anything else than John Wayne western movies.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

When she's drunk enough to holla back at your ass.

Time Management

Developing time management techniques is a process. It is a necessary skill that you cannot circumvent buy purchasing a day planner, a pda, or a calendar.

Before you can effectively manage your time you must take inventory of how you use it.

First we will determine how you spend your day. We will assume that we all have the same 24 hours to work with.

As you record the amount of your day you spend on each activity, subtract that from the original 24.


Daily Activities Hours used Hours Remaining

Sleeping _____ _____

Hygiene _____ _____

Meals/Preparation/Consumption/Cleaning _____ _____

Family Activities _____ _____

Social Activities _____ _____

TV/etc _____ _____

Physical Exercise _____ _____

Commuting _____ _____

Work _____ _____

Planning _____ _____

Clerical Activities _____ _____

Training/Self or Others _____ _____

Quiet Time _____ _____

Other ____________ _____ _____

How did you do? I imagine you were quite shocked by TV time and Other. I know I was.

Are you satisfied with the efficient use of your time?

Complete the survey incorporating a typical week. Then review the instrument and decide where you can improve upon your use of time with the following strategies.


Write out and prioritize your goals.Break your goals into tasks.Schedule your tasks within your calendar.Utilize block scheduling. Most people will only be able to give their best effort to a task in 50 minute increments or less. More difficult tasks may require more frequent breaks.Schedule a time to review and update your master task list at least once per week.Review your priorities as deadlines approach.Establish multiple work stations. Some work merely requires that you read or review it. Carry it with you and work on it while waiting for the dentist or the entrée.

Useful Tools:

A To-Do list is a simple and effective way of keeping track of what needs to be and has been done. Remember, just because it is on your list, does not mean you cannot defer a task. The list must be your tool, not your commander.

A log book is extremely handy. Write down appointments and meetings in chronological order. Do not start a new page until you have filled the previous page. Use a different color highlighter to code items of different significance, for example, dates in yellow, topics in green, and meetings in blue. The first thing each morning, check your log book.

A three month dry erase calendar is extremely useful. With it you can track your activities from the preceding, through the current, in into the following month. This is an invaluable tool for long term planning.