As promised I am reporting on the progress of Tommy's gay conversion. It's all going according to my plan. In the 3rd week we have been working on his very gay accent. It's hard to describe, please he does not want me to record him (I guess he just hates how he talks, too). It's sound British to me. Very nasal, very wannabe feminine. It's terribly uncool and with this kind of language he disqualifies himself to be part of a healthy society. Back to the conversion: Step three has been the most difficult yet. I tried to teach him as good as I could:Rule1: Use a lower voice (his voice was whiny and tiny).
Rule2: Do not start every sentence with the word: "Actually".
Rule3: Do not call another guy "Honey" or "You big stud".
Rule4: Do not talk about clothes and sex in public.It's about time somebody taught that boy how to talk: I went to church with him and after the service the pastor said goodbye to his congregation, like always, and when Tommy and I said goodbye, the pastor asked Tommy: "Are you religious my child?" and Tommy said in his thickest most disgusting gay accent: "Oh yes, I LOVE JESUS!". The way he said it was just shameful and sounded more like he would like to have gay sex with our Lord and savior. My God if he has to talk gay, can't he talk at least quietly? At least ten heads turned in our direction. It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life! I apologized and gave him a good smack against the head. Well this will all end soon. We keep practicing. Tommy is a promising boy.

You might think that teach a gay not to walk gay is especially difficult but the truth is that Tommy made it easy for me. The problem that still persists is that he let's his hands dangle when we walks. It looks a little like the walk of Peggy Bundy of the TV series "Married with Children". For now to prevent further embarrassment I taped his wrists to a wooden skewer so his arms and hands show a straight line. And straight is what we want, right?

Picture: ClowingAround.com
Proudly American : Role model for all American males : If you walk and talk like John Wayne, you are a real man

When it comes to talking and walking you have to learn from the masters, therefore I forbade him to watch anything else than John Wayne western movies.